All Blog Posts Tagged 'Joke' (73)

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember .....

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want…

I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. The nurse started with certain basics. "How much do you weigh?" she asked. "135," I said. The nurse put me on the scale. It turns out my weight is 180.



The nurse asked, "Your height?" "5 foot 4," I said. The nurse checked and saw that I…

A pirate walked into a bar, and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."



"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."



"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."



"Well," said the pirate, "We…

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday…

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the

85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean…

At St. Peter's Catholic Church in Toronto, they have weekly husbands' marriage seminars.



At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same rwoman…

As she sat  by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You  know what?

You have been with me all  through the bad times.

When I got fired, you were there to support me.

When my  business failed, you were there.

When I  got shot, you were by my side.

When we  lost the house,…

A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me.

I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on…

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it. Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving…

Little Tony was 9 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He had been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her, Grandma, what is that thing called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?

She was a…

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. (I just turned fifty-something.)



A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?



He asked, 'Do you…

A new priest, born and raised in North Dakota, is nervous about hearing

confessions, so he asks the older priest to sit in on his sessions.

The new priest hears a couple of confessions, then the old priest asks

him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.

The old priest…

WHO SAYS MEN DON'T REMEMBER ANNIVERSARIES?

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their

bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds

him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of…

A big shot attorney had to spend a couple of days in the

hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed

them around just like he did his staff. None of the hospital

staff wanted to have anything to do with him.

The head nurse was the only one who could stand…

Snakes also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis) can be dangerous

Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. Here's why.

A couple in Port Orange

Florida, had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife

was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a…

An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they didn't like each other.



Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night.

The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of…

A wife gave her husband a wooden box and asked him to open it after she dies. After thirty years, she died and her husband opened the wooden box. There were three pens and twenty thousand dollars along with a note. The husband read the note:

"Dear, I am sorry. Every time I cheated on you, I bought a pen…

With time, women gain weight because we accumulate so much information and

Wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room, it distributes out

To the rest of our bodies. So we aren't heavy, we are enormously cultured,

Educated and happy.



Beginning today, when I look at my…

"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court judge said,

"And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week."

"That's very fair, your honor." the husband said

"And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks…