Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember .....
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want…
Added by Maureen Pregon on September 27, 2012 at 8:00am — No Comments
I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. The nurse started with certain basics. "How much do you weigh?" she asked. "135," I said. The nurse put me on the scale. It turns out my weight is 180.
The nurse asked, "Your height?" "5 foot 4," I said. The nurse checked and saw that I…
Added by Maureen Pregon on August 23, 2012 at 1:09pm — No Comments
A pirate walked into a bar, and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."
"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."
"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well," said the pirate, "We…
Added by Maureen Pregon on August 15, 2012 at 12:30am — No Comments
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday…Continue
Added by Maureen Pregon on August 3, 2012 at 10:39am — No Comments
An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the
85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean…
Added by Maureen Pregon on July 25, 2012 at 3:30pm — No Comments
At St. Peter's Catholic Church in Toronto, they have weekly husbands' marriage seminars.
At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same rwoman…
Added by Maureen Pregon on June 27, 2012 at 10:41am — No Comments
When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house,…Continue
Added by Maureen Pregon on June 20, 2012 at 12:00pm — No Comments
I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on…Continue
Added by Maureen Pregon on June 12, 2012 at 8:00am — No Comments
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it. Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving…
Little Tony was 9 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He had been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her, Grandma, what is that thing called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?
She was a…Continue
Added by Maureen Pregon on May 23, 2012 at 2:30pm — No Comments
I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. (I just turned fifty-something.)
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?
He asked, 'Do you…
Added by Maureen Pregon on May 17, 2012 at 9:34am — No Comments
The new priest hears a couple of confessions, then the old priest asks
him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.
The old priest…Continue
Added by Maureen Pregon on May 8, 2012 at 8:00am — No Comments
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their
bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds
him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of…
Added by Maureen Pregon on May 1, 2012 at 7:00am — No Comments
A big shot attorney had to spend a couple of days in the
hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed
them around just like he did his staff. None of the hospital
staff wanted to have anything to do with him.
The head nurse was the only one who could stand…
Added by Maureen Pregon on April 25, 2012 at 7:00am — No Comments
A couple in Port Orange
Florida, had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife
was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a…
Added by Maureen Pregon on April 18, 2012 at 8:30am — No Comments
The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of…Continue
Added by Maureen Pregon on April 11, 2012 at 1:30pm — No Comments
A wife gave her husband a wooden box and asked him to open it after she dies. After thirty years, she died and her husband opened the wooden box. There were three pens and twenty thousand dollars along with a note. The husband read the note:
"Dear, I am sorry. Every time I cheated on you, I bought a pen…
With time, women gain weight because we accumulate so much information and
Wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room, it distributes out
To the rest of our bodies. So we aren't heavy, we are enormously cultured,
Educated and happy.
Beginning today, when I look at my…
Added by Maureen Pregon on March 21, 2012 at 8:00am — No Comments
"And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week."
"That's very fair, your honor." the husband said
"And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks…Continue
Added by Maureen Pregon on March 6, 2012 at 4:30pm — No Comments