Heading home last night at 11pm I was driving at about 30mph on a dark street two blocks from my house when a WHITE skunk shot out in front of my car. A white skunk? OMG Is there such a thing? No time to even think about hitting the brakes. Why me?
I thought I felt 'something' happen. I cringed and my eyes darted to my rear view mirror expecting to see something 'white' on the street in my trail and I braced for the 'smell' of a babe who just killed a skunk. Nothing.
The whites of my eyeballs could be seen in the next county. Did I kill it? and if I didn't kill it where the hell is it?
I didn't see it behind me? Didn't smell anything but no way that skunk could have made it because I went right over him. OMG maybe he got stuck under my car and was still riding along with me waiting to explode any minute. A VERY unrelaxing thought. Now what?
If I go straight home and he's lodged under my car waiting to explode this is not going to be good. So I drove to the big lit up gas station foodmart. Sorry. Surprise.
Now what? If I get out of the car and he's lodged under there and still alive maybe he'll see my leg come out of the door and make me pay. Skunks can spray as far as 15 feet with accuracy. If he was waiting he'd never miss my leg from 3 feet.
I rolled the car forward, backward, forward. Nothing. People were pulling in and out around me and I figured if there was dead white skunk sticking to the bottom of my car people would start making a scene. No scene.
I replayed the terror moment in my head. No way that skunk could have made it. Now what? I was trembling when I bolted from the car. Ran 20 feet from the car and squatted down in high heels scoping out the undercarriage of my white SUV. No Skunk but then maybe he was blending in somewhere with the white - Unconscious.
Still not sure what the heck just happened I roamed the food mart stalling in case I started to smell something. Instead I smelled Subway sandwiches and ordered two to kill 20 minutes while still wondering if I killed the skunk.
Had a distracting conversation with my buddy the station owner, while never once mentioning that a potentially unconscious white skunk caught under my SUV might wake up any minute and spray his entire property. I left and squatted once again in the parking lot 20 feet from my car to peek under 'one more time' and then ran back to my car yanked open and closed my car door in a nanosecond and drove home unrelaxed.
Any chance the bastard made it into the back seat?
All I can say is that was one lucky white skunk and and I was one lucky pale white babe who thankfully doesn't have to spend the weekend in my car banished to some far away parking lot being sprayed down by fire hoses filled with tomato juice.
Instead I will have Bloody Mary's all weekend long in celebration of my good fortune.
Hope You Have a Lucky Weekend!
Delusionally Young & Yours,
P.S. I looked up skunks today to identify the 'perp' and found the picture above. It's called a black and white silverback. Never saw one before. Hope I never see one again.