I have a little beef and it is semantic. First I will say that if my husband heard me saying, "I have a little beef," he'd be upset, so let me put it on the record that his beef is not little. It's quite large and springy in fact, and that's even on high blood pressure medication. No, my complaint (and that is what 'a beef' is) is that I'm sick and tired of the latest cutesy euphemism to describe lady parts.
Specifically, I'm complaining about the term "veejayjay," which, thanks to the Real Housewives of Atlanta, a louche legion of ladies if you can even call them ladies, and their ardent use of the term every week. I admit to being something of a fan of the Real Housewives series, although I do have my preferences. The original Orange County bunch were absolutely appalling. They had so much plastic surgery and so little taste. They didn't really talk about sex, per se, although it seemed to me, they spent a lot of time trying to look like porn stars. Old porn stars, too. Eeek, all that sun! Then the Jersey Girls came along and Teresa kept talking about getting a boob job and there was a lot of chat about bikini wax and Brazilians and I don't mean the Keratin treatment for your head. The New York City ladies rarely discussed sex and you got the feeling except for Kelly's short skirts indicating she might not be wearing underwear, these ladies weren't so much into sex. Lisa Vanderpump of Bev Hills claims she and her husband of 29 years rarely have it. Then you get the Atlanta girls and all they do is talk about humping, pumping, oral sex, unusual sex tips (putting sugar in your vagina? Really?) and the state of their VeeJayJays, a term possibly coined and certainly made more popular by none other than Oprah Winfrey.
I don't care for the word "VeeJayJay." I think it's stupid. I don't like the word "vagina", and I'm no fan of "box," "cootchie," or that long list of degrading words (and we all know them) either. In Victorian times, English speaking people threw around the word "cunny," which at least rhymes with "honey," and sounds sort of nice, but in America any "c" word referencing the female reproductive organs is automatically considered an insult. So scratch that. What I'd really like to know, is why we can't all just say "p****," and leave it at that? P**** is a nice word. It's warm. It's friendly. It's furry. And who doesn't like cats?
I may have hit on the problem of "p****," just now, accidentally. It's the fur thing. The lady parts were for so long called "p****," because of hair. P****** used to be furry, and many couples mutually enjoyed stroking that fur. Now that the totally nude look has wreaked pubic fashion havoc, the word "p****" seems outmoded, old, out of date.
My mother, who would have been in her late 80's, were she still alive, referred to her own lady parts as her "snatch." When I was a kid, that word embarrassed me, but I'm giving it a re-think. "Snatch" is kind of snappy; it has a nice ring to it. True, it's a bit flippant, even insouciant, and it immediately makes you think about something being grabbed fast. But at the end of the day, it is a youthful sounding word; maybe we should embrace it!